The categories are: Dirty jokes, sexist jokes, and racist jokes (the three all-time favorites)

Dirty Jokes:

Okay two guys were fucking in the bedroom when the phone rang, so one of them says to the other "Dont cum with out me okay." Well when Guy #1 comes back, he tells his buddy "I have to pick someone up from the airport; I'll be back in 30 minutes, and don't fuck anyone while I'm gone or I'll kick your fucking ass you little bitch." Guy #2 agreed. Well, about 30 minutes later, Guy #1 comes through the door to look for Guy #2 in the bedroom. He walks in, and there is a thick layer of spunk all over the walls, on the ceiling dripping down, on the rugs, over everything. Guy #1 is furious. "What the fuck! I told you not to fuck anyone you little shit!" Guy #2 cowers in the corner and screams, "I didn't fuck anyone! I just farted!" - contributed by ME (but Raudel reminded of this joke, he just gave a fucked up short not as funny version of it)

Once upon a joke, there were three friends on a river-rafting trip. They had no experience or training whatsoever, but since they thought they were manly men, they decided to attempt river-rafting without any knowledge. At first, things are going ok, everything seems fine. Then the water gets choppier. All of a sudden, rocks start bouncing them around ... they decide to head for the bank before the water gets rougher and it gets darker. Well, unfortunately, shit happens and they go over a waterfall (don't worry .. the laughs are coming up). When they regain consciousness, they find themselves in a hut. They get up and are greeted by Indians, who say that come morning they will escort them to the nearest ranger station. Meanwhile, they are welcome to anything the Indians have, except of course, for the village chiefs daughter. Well, all three guys agreed and were very thankful. But one guy caught a glimpse of the Indian chiefs daughter, and boy was she hot! Well, needless to say, he bounced on over to get some play, and well, you know ... next morning, the guys wake up tied to posts. They're wondering what the hell happened. The chief approaches and sez "I know one of you porked my daughter ... who did it?" The guys all proclaim their innocence. "Fine," sez the chief, "now all of you have to pay the price. You have two choices, death ... or MAMBO." The guys whisper to each other "what the hell is mambo?" "SILENCE!" yells the chief. The first guy (who is innocent) decides he doesn't wanna die, so he chooses mambo. The Indians hoop and holler and form a line besides the pole. All of a sudden he finds himself screaming because every guy in the village is reeming his ass. Well, needless to say, when everyone is done with him, he's a bloody little puddle that will never be able to poop right again, much less walk right. The other two stand in horror ... and the chief turns to the second man for his choice. He gulps hard and chooses mambo because he too would rather suffer and live than die. Well, same results for this poor foo. The third guy, after witnissing his friends getting rammed up the ass till the stuffing comes out, yells out "Death! Death! I wanna die!" The villagers are quiet for a minute and the chief ponders for a second. He smiles. "Fine .. the death penalty shall be carried out ... it shall be DEATH BY MAMBO!"
-Contributed by me ... I guess bad guys always get it in the END ... hahaha .. sorry ... horrible pun .. I couldn't resist ..

One time there was this guy taking a shower. A bachelor. So like most guys, he left the door open and shit. Then he realized that he had no soap. He didn't wanna stink all day long so he just ran outta the room butt-naked and ran to the corner store and bought a 2pk. of soap. He was running back when he saw three nuns walking towards him. He ran back around the corner and hid in an alcove, standing motionless. The nuns passed by and noticed him, and one said, "Oh! I've seen these statues before! You put a quarter in it, and it gives you something." So the little old lady fished a quarter outta her pocket, looked for a slot ... stuck it in his asshole, jerked his dick once, and he gave her a bar of soap. The second nun did the same thing, and he gave her a bar a soap. Now the third little nun (who happened to be the oldest and smallest) ran up screaming, "Oh! Oh! Me next! Me next!" and jammed a quarter up his asshole, and yanked his cock hard. The guy panicked cuz he had no more soap, so he stood there motionless. The nun pulled again and again. Finally the other two nuns said, "Oh, it's probably broken. Let's go." And they started walking off. They look back, and they notice the little nun running back saying, "It finally worked! Look what I got," and she held out her hands, "Shampoo!"

One nun walks into a bathroom and says to the other, "My God! I thought she would never leave!" and she takes a puff of her cig. "I know!" exclaims the other as she takes a nice slow drag. "Here," she sez, and hands the first nun a condom. "What's this for?" asks the second nun. "It's to put the ashes in. You dump the ashes in it, roll it up, and flush it down the toilet or throw it away and the other nuns won't get suspicious! Just go to the liquor store and buy some." she sez deviously. So the nun goes to a liquor store and walks in. "Hello there, sister, what can I get for you?" asks the manager. "Well," she sez, "I'd like a box of condoms." The manager's jaw drops. "Condoms?" he asks, and she nods her head. "Um, ok .. err, how many? We have a 2 pk, a 10pk, and a box of 50." Hmm .. she thinks ..."A box of 50? That sounds good .. that should last me a month." The manager is becoming faint. He finally staggers out, "Sister ... I'm almost afraid to ask you this, but what size do you need?" She ponders a second and sez, "Oh, I don't know. Whatever fits a Camel."

Sexist Jokes

Q. What do you tell a girl with a black eye?
A. Nothing, you already told her twice.

Okay this one dude was speeding down the freeway and sees a cop flashing his lights, so he steps on it, finally he gives up. The Cop says, okay give me one good reason why you were tring to get away from me?,"Well officer, last month my wife ran off with a cop and i though it was you tring to return her to me!" - contributed by Raudel

Q. How are women like dog shit?
A. The older they are, the easier they are to pick up. - contributed by some dude at a party

The Creation Of A Pussy

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, smart with wit,using a knife, he gave it a slit. Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole. Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within. Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a peice of fox fur, he lined it without. Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell. Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee, touched it and blessed it and said it could pee. Last came a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it and called it a cunt.

Q. Why do blondes like cars with sunroofs?
A. More leg-room.

Q. How can you tell who a blondes boyfriend is?
A. His belt-buckle matches the imprint on her forehead.

Racist jokes

Q. What do you get when you mix a black and a Mexican?
A. A lazy theif.

Q. How do you keep little black kids from jumping on a bed?
A. Put velcro on the ceiling.

You have to know Spanish to understand this one ...
Q. Why don't Mexicans invite black people to their BBQ's?
A. !Porque son pachangas, no pa changos!

Q. What do you call a whole bunch of black people swimming in the ocean?
A. Sea monkeys.

Q. How come Mexico never wins in the Olympics?
A. Because all the people who can run, jump, and swim made it to the US.

Q. How come us Mexicans never have BBQ's (which is untrue, we bust BBQ's all the time, 'cept we call them Carne asadas)?
A. Because beans fall through the grill.

Q. There is a black guy and a Mexican (or Latino if you prefer) in a car ... who is driving?
A. The cops.

You have to know Spanish to understand this one too ...
Q. What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?
A. Cuatro sinko.
-contributed some dude Ritchie on Yahoo .. thanx ese

Q. What do you call four Mexicans in a new Cadillac?
A. Grand-theft auto.
-also contributed by Ritchie

Q. What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? A. Roberto.
-contributed by Bernadette

Q. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? A. Juan on Juan.
-also contributed by Bernadette (I can't believe I forgot to put this cheesy one up originally .. damn).

Think you're jokes are funny? Think they deserve to be on this page? Well, if so, knock off that stupid grin on your goddamn face and stop thinking you're gods gift to women and submit them to: happyhappyjoyjoy@burninginsides.iwarp.com ... thanx cornhole ...